cowboy formal.

Brandon is sponsoring a realtor award banquet this weekend. I would rather slit my wrists than attend it. I told him as much.
Now, one thing to know about my husband is that he rarely gets upset. He is pretty much emotionally dead inside. So when he got all kinds of pissed off about me not going to this thing with him, I knew better than to engage in a battle. He's a very smart, Harvard-trained attorney and when he wants to argue with me, he usually wins. And it is not pretty. Lots of crying, raised voices and usually ends with me locked in the bathroom.

The theme of this shindig is "cowboy formal". WTF.
I have literally nothing that can pass for western wear. And the one formal dress I own got ripped on New Years Eve.
It's supposed to be fun. Seriously. He said that to me.

So this evening I will be hunting for cowboy boots and a cocktail dress. If I have to suffer through this, I'm going to get a new outfit. And it ain't gonna be cheap. I'll post a pic if I can stomach it.

Fitting In.

Fitting in. Uh. Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school trying to find the friend group that accepts me, loves me, and only talks behind my back occassionally.
I guess we never outgrow that need to be accepted and encouraged.

I was the first (and thus far the only one) of my girlfriends to embark on the terrifying adventure of parenting. Didn't exactly plan it out that way, but life happens. There were a mix of reactions - excitement, support, sympathy, jealousy, and even flat out cold-shoulders. And it was a little surprising who gave me what.

Fast forward 2 years. Most of my friends are great. They tolerate me bringing along the porta-crib to girls nights, usually come to my house for movies & dinner, and try to help me by planning enough in advance for me to line up a sitter. But I feel alienated from many of them. I get limited emotional support or encouragement. Sure, they think Dylan is adorable. But they don't want to hear about how frustrated I am by the constant tantrums or how exciting it is that she finally pooped on the potty.

And its difficult to watch them really support each other through life's events - break ups, new jobs, marriages, new homes, etc. - while I've seemingly been placed in a "doesn't need anything" box. Regardless of the support or excitement I give each of them, it doesn't seem like much sincere encouragement is given back to me.
Maybe its something I've done or maybe they don't just don't care; I honestly don't know.

I know I'm complaining. And I really am so thankful for my friends; they have saved me from myself countless times. But sometimes, especially lately, I feel like an outsider with most of them. And I'm not sure how to change it. Uh. Fitting in. Does every woman who enters a new phase of life before their friends feel this way?

My Sanity.

Meet Peg. She is the fourth member of our crazy family. Her title is nanny, child whisperer, friend, confidant, marriage counselor... frankly, she keeps me sane.

Peg and I found each other a year ago and she changed my life. She helps me every day, and not just in caretaking the love of my life. She has become a dear friend and a valued sounding board. She is key in keeping this ship afloat.

Amen. Praise Jesus for Peg.